Yesterday I watched the most recent of Mistress Angelica’s youtube clips: MA - My Domme Drop

As ever I found what my Mistress had to say to be interesting to me as one of Her collared slaves. I also imagined that it would be enlightening to anyone who has so far not been lucky enough to spend post session time chatting about kink, D/s relationships, and all the magical stuff that wraps around the session play which this complex and mesmerising lady inspires.

Not for the first time I found myself unsurprised by some of what was said, but this video in particular revealed a lot I hadn’t either recognised or truly acknowledged in the past. I found MA’s words to be really thought provoking. It was very clear that she was speaking very much from the heart, and I felt it was courageous how open Her words were. Being physically naked takes a certain amount of bravery, but bearing your inner thoughts and feelings on emotive issues to a wide and diverse audience takes a special kind of strength, and this came through so clearly. In this video we glimpse the very real person that sits beneath and supports the Domme (and I must emphasise that it is supporting a natural persona rather than hiding behind a pro-dommes creation).

To address the wider topic of ‘drop’ I should firstly admit that I have experienced ‘sub drop’ to varying degrees. The highs and lows of my vanilla life, particularly over the past couple of years, give me swings of mood ranging from love and elation to darkness and despair – but that is what life is about, what makes it so rich, wonderful and worth fighting for. ‘Drop’ completely different to these swings; it is something which for many years I have recognised follows session play, so first can I offer my personal take.

My sub drop isn’t consistent. It doesn’t always happen, sometimes it is fleeting, and at worst it has lasted for several days. In play with my Mistress I invariably have good a rush of endorphins, and regularly surf the waves of endorphin highs, again sometimes only briefly, but it has been known to last for a couple of days. There seems to be some approximate correlation between these ‘highs’ and the ‘drops’, but they don’t appear to be mutually dependent upon each other.

One of the most elating feelings I can relate to is when my Mistress has Herself been swept away by the intensity of O/our play and pushed me beyond what a ‘normal’ person might properly comprehend. Those highs are the most beautiful things to feel, and daily life will always seem low in comparison, but if the body does decide to chemically adjust itself to cope and throw you down a couple of extra steps, my experience tells me that you do bounce back. And although things can look bad and sad, and when you are down there it can feel the worst place ever, those feelings do subside. What always endures is the memories of the high points, and I fervently hope that my Mistress continues to find the strength to put me in those places again and again.

So what of ‘Domme drop’? I can certainly understand how there are elements which closely mirror those felt by a sub. Mistress Angelica does take time to empathise and engage with her subs/slaves very closely. There is a bond there which in session almost becomes telepathy. How apposite then that this latest clip was recorded on Valentine’s day. In the careful planning and preparing for each session my Mistress shows a love, perhaps not in the conventional sense, but a love nonetheless that intrinsically brings closeness that W/we share in play. Once a session has ended I always feel appreciative of that time we have just shared, but when I have left studio I often feel a loneliness, a longing for that touch and sensitivity that has just been withdrawn. If the highs we have shared can be equated to the love of life, then think of the grief that can be felt when that is taken away, and that is how a ‘drop’ can feel to a sub. I see no reason why a true Domme should not share those exact same feelings.

Why then did it surprise me when my Mistress spoke of how at times she has felt upset, crying, shaking and even nauseous? After all I have witnessed first-hand on occasions how my Mistress had emotionally drained Herself in certain sessions, and on others noted the barely perceptible change when She had felt it was the instinctively right time to end a session. Mistress has always checked at the end of session if I felt alright, but it has only been on exceptional occasions when I have asked if She also felt OK. Perhaps as the slave who has become wrapped up in his own feelings after spectacular playtime I have neglected to remember that my Domme is actually a real person. Because the nature of a Domme character is one of strength and control we forget that the human being who allows that part of their nature to come to the fore is like ourselves, vulnerable underneath, and also in need of that aftercare from time to time.

The question of ‘coping mechanisms’ was also discussed. From my perspective never knowing how hard, fast or long I might drop it is always difficult to know how to prepare. Of late, when I have been instructed to leave my Mistress in Her chastity device for a period of time, then that does somehow seem to have helped me. I have ascribed this to the fact that to a lesser extent the session control is still continuing after I have left my Mistress, so perhaps this acts as a sort of ‘parachute’ to cushion any ‘drop’? I have often felt that allied to any naturally occurring chemical induced low the idea that I will have to then wait for so many weeks or months before I vanilla world permits me to submit in person to my Mistress again in a way that I crave amplifies any feelings, but it is just a theory.

So how does this translate in to a ‘Domme drop’ context? An immediate thought to the uninitiated might be that, in a pro-domme situation, another bus will be along tomorrow. That however completely misses the fact that in Her planning and preparation MA invests an individual part of herself in each and every one who places themselves in Her wonderful hands. Theoretically therefore unless a Mistress is strong enough to realise when She might need to walk away for a time it is feasible that there could be multiple waves of ‘drop’ at any one time, allied perhaps to several adrenaline spikes, and I can only guess how horrendous that might be to manage!

Whilst the tenure of the video is very much about airing the issue of Domme drop, and very well it was done too, I couldn’t help personally feeling an element of guilt. Had I ever been one of those subs/slaves that had unknowingly left behind a ‘train wreck’ within the studio walls? The last thing I would ever want is for my Mistress to have to suffer as a consequence nof affording me the release I need from the rigours vanilla world might throw at me.

I did leave a brief message for Mistress Angelica the morning after viewing the video to let Her know how I felt. Her response was typical, reiterating that her feeling ‘blurgh’ was a positive as it helped her know she had been committed in Her part of the play. I can promise that I have never left my Mistress without that feeling in my heart.

Thank You Mistress Angelica for both the commitment You show to Your subs and slaves, and also for airing this important subject. I for one will now make sure that every time I have to leave You after play that I will ask exactly how You are feeling.