Yesterday Mistress Angelica released the latest in her entrancing series of youtube clips.  This particular episode was entitled MA - What do I want?, and in this video my Mistress becomes quite animated and impassioned as she talks about what she wants in a sub, and what she definitely does not want. I found the strength and directness of Her words really resonated with me, and not for the first time it got me thinking very deeply about O/our D/s relationship, and it led me to raise the question ‘Have you ever asked?’ in my head.

Please indulge me and let me briefly set the backdrop:

It is now 36 years since I first visited a professional dominatrix. Well, that is probably not quite true; in the early eighties I saw a number of ‘whip & wank’ ladies who satisfied my stifled kink urges, before I progressed through the growing rank of ‘service providers’, most of whom I met only once, some a couple of times, and a few who I might have met on a small handful of occasions.

The majority of those I sessioned with were lovely ladies (with the odd rotten apple that you will find in any barrel of life) but they helped me to  feed a deep seated inner desire which I knew would sour my own particular vanilla life barrel should I not be able to find an outlet for my kink.

A few of those ladies had very close bonds with their slaves/subs, but none were right for me. I knew what my own particular ‘kink buttons’ were, and many pushed them, but it was always very much a one way street. I could be bound, disciplined, and for a time completely helpless in agreed ‘no safeword’ scenarios, but secretly I always felt in control. I rucked up, paid the ‘tribute’, and lived the fantasy that I had bought for however long the session time lasted. Sound familiar?

I guess in those days I was what my Mistress called a ‘hopper’ in her recent clip; certainly someone  she is very clearly not looking for!

But then everything  changed for me eight and a half years ago. That was when Mistress Angelica allowed me to visit Her for the first time. As a burgeoning Domme she had already established Her own pathway to domination. As the then ‘sensual domme’ she captivated me, and over many fantastic years She has been a most important focal point for me; an anchor in my life.

And over those years I have seen my Mistress change. She has matured and evolved in to the supremely strong woman you can see in her clips, and brought me (and many others) along with Her. When I first met my Mistress I thought that I knew it all, but now I know so much more about myself, and yet have more questions to answer than I ever had.

In Her recent video Mistress Angelica strongly emphasises that she does not want people who ‘come with lists’ and ‘want certain boxes ticking’. What she is looking for are submissives which she can take where She wants to take them, and makes it clear that she is not there to ‘cater for your needs’. Please, if you are looking for someone to submit to, do not let these headline statements put you off contacting Mistress Angelica, as at the risk of incurring Her wrath I would like to try to put what my Mistress has said in to a personal context.

Yes I am completely submissive to Mistress Angelica, and as one of Her collared slaves I feel that it is both my obligation and privilege to be so. So yes again, I freely allow Her to take me wherever She wants, and the rewards I have reaped along the way have been manifold, but you do need to look beneath Her words. Mistress Angelica treats all Her submissives individually, and each of us are allowed to give that part of us serves which best suits Her needs, but the very best service has to come freely and from within, and my Mistress recognises this. As a result her asks of me to a very large extent are what I truly enjoy giving, nothing forced, so invariably a Win/win for both D and s, and this harmonious alignment is what I believe makes each relationship with this Lady so special.

In helping cement O/our individual bond my Mistress draws from me a special love which only that part of me can only give to Her, and I strongly feel that this is reciprocated. I also believe that is replicated with each of Her other collared slaves, but for each of us in a slightly different way.

With giving to Her what she asks of me I truly believe that I am meeting Her needs, but having heard Her recent words I start to wonder if I am right to assume this, and I realised that I have never actually asked the question of Her: “Is there anything more that You want from me?”

I intend to correct that omission the next time at which I am fortunate enough to be commanded to assume position No. 1