Anticipation/Expectation and Appreciation of Session Time

As subs or slaves who live for the opportunity to be under the direct control of our Mistress I am guessing that, like me, a lot of our attention can be focussed on the limited time we are permitted to spend in Studio, but that is only a very small part of our D/s relationship:

Anticipation/Expectation

For me the build up to session time is an excitement in itself, particularly because due to vanilla world constraints it always seems far too long between opportunities for session play. Where possible I like to agree a space in MA’s diary just before I leave Her company each time. In my mind it keeps O/our link ‘live’ and gives me something to focus upon, and to look forward to. I count down the weeks, then the days, and on the day even the hours as I drive to Studio.

In years past, before I ‘found’ my place, I had visited many pro-dommes. Expectation was always moderate as the quality of experiences varied, and usually these ‘liaisons’ were at reasonably short notice, so the build-up lasted only days, or sometimes hours, but there was invariably that wonderful feeling of butterflies in the stomach in response to the nervousness which each new liaison created.

Now, for some time a contented collared slave, there is a change in the way I feel as each chance to serve approaches. As the days before O/our play lessen the buzz builds, and I struggle to focus on day to day activity. As I feel comfortable enough to freely give myself to my Mistress to play as She desires on any particular day I do not know what will await me. Perhaps the comfort of O/our relationship, and my complete trust in Her is the reason nerves are not normally there, but the anticipation and expectations are, and that generates the excitement within me.

There was an exception to this rule. After one visit last year I wrote a note of thanks to Mistress Angelica, and whilst doing so expressed my view that perhaps my Mistress might not have tested Her new Tohiti cane to its true capability. The response was a single line: “11am at My door tomorrow, present yourself.”

The jolt of electricity when I read that note is hard to convey, but for the following 24 hours the nervousness was back, my heart was pumping and my pulse raced as my anticipation soared to an all-time high as I thought I knew what was coming. Little did I know that my expectations were to be significantly exceeded, as they often are with my wonderful Mistress.

Appreciation

 I have tried to choose my words carefully. The term expectation was used not in any demanding sense, but rather in terms of hope of what might be to come or to be looked forward to, and it is fair to say that as a result of countless previous occasions when I have been permitted to be at Her mercy my expectations are usually set high. What we all have to understand however is that by Her own admission Mistress Angelica may be “far more interesting that perfect” and each of us knows that as a person we have some days where we perform better than others. A Mistress, however revered, can be no different.

Our assessment of the time we are granted in the presence of our Mistress I would suggest should therefore not be based upon whether our own subjective expectations have been reached or surpassed, but by an appreciation of the time and attention which has been given to us. As I hope we all realise, although Mistress Angelica may successfully improvise in session (and in my experience those where Her true spirit flows most freely have been the best) it is only possible to achieve that by Her taking time to understand each sub/slave and having given careful consideration in advance as to how any shared session time might be played out.

Mistress Angelica, for all the time You have invested in me, both before, during, and after O/our play I am truly appreciative. It is Your love and care as my Mistress which has allowed me to be the slave whom You have created, and for me to be able to occupy my position today.

Thank You